


So Screwed

by ThornyHedge



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit (2012) RPF
Genre: Gen, Humor, M/M, Multi, RPF, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-20
Updated: 2013-03-20
Packaged: 2017-12-05 21:02:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/727896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyHedge/pseuds/ThornyHedge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For kaidanshepard, who pondered on Tumblr:</p>
<p>"Do you think the writers/actors of things ever place bets on what the fans will ship? Or like try to guess which characters?"</p>
<p>Let's find out....</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Screwed

After his first complete read-through of the _Hobbit_ script, Martin Freeman let out a long, tired sigh. As thrilled as he was to have been chosen for such an iconic role-of-a-lifetime, he knew he was doomed. With that final, tear-jerking hug from a newly-defrosted Thorin Oakenshield, Martin knew he has fallen out of the of the slash frying pan that was _Sherlock_ and into the freaking fire. The fan fiction writers were going to have a field day with “Thilbo.”

“Mate,” Richard cornered Martin in the commissary the first day on set. “Have you _read_ the script? Folks are going to picture the two of us in bed together thirty minutes into the film,” he intoned in his totally non-sexy baritone voice. “Thorin and Bilbo… and of course, you and me.”

“The two of us?” Martin squeaked indignantly, feeling a bit of a blush rising on his cheeks.

“Oh, goodness yes,” Ian smiled, overhearing the conversation. “That’s what they do, those slash fiction writers. They love to pair us off. You wouldn’t believe the smut written about me and Christopher Lee,” he patted Martin on the shoulder sympathetically, eyes on the spaghetti.

“I am going to need a great deal of therapy, aren’t I?” Martin wondered, looking a bit squeamish.

“Not as much as those two, I’d wager,” Richard cocked his thumb at Aidan Turner and Rob Kazinsky as the younger actors joined the food line. The tall blond had a possessive hand on Aidan’s shoulder and the two were laughing at some private joke.

“What?” Martin sputtered. “The b-brothers? Surely people wouldn’t propose that…” he eyed the pair objectively. “Oh, dear.”

“Gents,” James Nesbitt smiled broadly at the two Brits as he walked past with a tray of food. “Richard, you’d best stop checking out your nephews. You know how those slash writers think.” He winked lasciviously.

As if he’d overheard, Aidan turned slowly from his conversation with Rob to smile and wave at Richard from across the room.

“We are _so_ screwed,” Richard lamented.


End file.
